Taking his name...

Okay, so I still consider myself a feminist. There are so many definitions of the word "feminist" and the topic of "feminism" that it is hard to fit into any one box (pun intended), but I'm basically for me being able to do whatever the hell I want, despite the fact that I don't have an (attached) penis.

I didn't take the brain surgeon's last name, but that doesn't really make me a feminist.

We had a discussion at dinner about that the other night. Some of the men (more brain surgeons) in attendance said that not taking the man's name was equal to castration. WHAT? Are some people really that insecure? What does taking a man's name (and thus giving up your own) have to do with castration?

My question is, why do people care at all? I mean, take his name if you like it or want to or whatever and don't take his name if you are opposed to the tradition, prefer your own name for whatever reason, and so on. Unless you are a woman from a long matriarchal line in a matriarchal society, you probably have some man's name anyway...In fact, I'm hyphenated with my two dads' last names.

But my name was my name and I didn't really feel like getting a new one and my husband didn't care either way. We also didn't think it mattered if our family all had the same last name as we don't believe we are defined by our last name. Our family is a family either way.

In fact, my sister and I had different last names (and different fathers, but that is its own LONG post) growing up and it didn't change how we felt about each other at all...We are as close as close can be.

Back in the day (well maybe not "the" day), women were betrothed and the name was a property thing. I'm not really up to holding up that tradition, but again, I really don't see how it matters much.

I just know I would never marry a man who equated it to "castration" or one who didn't have the self-esteem to handle a woman who makes her own decisions on such things.

Thank goodness the brain surgeon I married is cool.


Toodles.

UCLA Visionary Ball 2007

Last night we went to the 2007 Visionary Ball at UCLA. I expected to be thoroughly bored as well as tortured by another pile of cheesy pasta, which is standard vegetarian fare at these gynormous events.

Happily, it was much better than I expected.

The cool Pathfinder neurosurgery robot was hanging out at the pre-dinner cocktail party and the patient stories were very touching. There was one patient in particular, Hank, who I’ve met a number of times and who spoke and made me so proud of my man!

Then a woman spoke about having a rare disorder that caused her and her two boys (now 5 and 11) to undergo a total of 8 neurosurgeries. I cried. I’m such a wimp.

There were three key honorees.

The first was Michael Phelps, Ph.D. He is famous for inventing positron emission tomography (PET), so I thought he was really cool. PET is a molecular imaging technique that can be used to check out various systems (neurological, cardiovascular, etc.) as well as detect cancer and evaluate a patient’s response to treatment. Anyway, despite his rather boring persona, I was hugely impressed. He is both Norton Simon Professor (what does that mean?) and Chair of the UCLA Department of Molecular and Medical Pharmacology.

The next honoree was Peter Morton. He is one of the founders of the Hard Rock Café and the Hard Rock Hotel. Besides being butt-ass rich, he’s an environmentalist and philanthropist, apparently, as they screwed up and mentioned those two things about 50 times.

Tim Allen received the Rodney Dangerfield “Rodney Respect Award,” which is about the corniest award title I’ve ever heard of. Jamie Lee Curtis was on hand to introduce him, but she ended up introducing Joan Dangerfield, who appeared quite surgically and hair-extension enhanced, despite being clearly decades younger than her late husband, to whom she was married for 11 years. She was surprisingly articulate and seemed genuine as she crumbled to tears when talking about Rodney.

So, Jamie Lee Curtis introduces Joan Dangerfield to introduce Tim Allen, but they actually have a video feed of dead Rodney (well, alive in the feed) introducing Tim.

Now, I have no idea what you receive a Rodney Respect Award for, but Tim Allen is DAMN funny. I know the world knows this, but I’ve never watched Home Improvement or any of the Santa Claus movies in my life. Not only is he funny, but he was so off-the-cuff brilliant and he effortlessly incorporated snippets of the whole night into his little sketch. Fabulous.

On other notes, the food was pretty good at the Four Seasons, despite the size of the crowd. Thelma Houston, former multi-Grammy winner, sang a few songs after Tim left, but the audience was scrambling for the valet parkers by then.

Dr. Neil Martin, bigwig and ultra-boss of my dear lover, had to operate and didn’t show up at the event (borderline giant faux pas) and was missed by all.

Parting gifts included an official Rubix Cube, a Thelma Houston CD and a lovely (stolen) centerpiece (Hey, we're on resident's salaries).

Mind Power

Do some people have psychic powers?

I've definitely seen what appear to be trends in behaviors, but I have no clue really. I'd think there would be a bunch of double-blind, case-control scientific studies on it considering how many people are into the paranormal.

I'm not sure about psychics exactly, but I do think some people have much more strongly developed powers of perception than others. When I was about a week pregnant with my third child in April of 2006, my oldest child, then 3, placed her hands on my stomach and looked up at me (in front of my husband) and said, "Mommy, there's a baby in your tummy. I had NO idea I was pregnant. I even said, "No Hunny, I'm just bloated."

I was using two forms of birth control and breastfeeding my second child (who had just turned 1), so I didn't think pregnancy was even a possibility.

Two days later, my eldest told my mother that I had a baby in my tummy, and that I told her I didn't, but that she was sure I did and that it was a baby sister.

A few months later, when we had the ultrasound that confirmed the baby was a girl, I was so excited to tell my daughter. She just said, "I already knew that, Mommy."

I read a thing about the show "Medium," which I do not watch, but it was an interview with the woman who stars and the real woman it is based on. Apparently she has been hugely successful helping the police solve unsolved crimes using psychic abilities. Who knows?

I've personally had lots and lots of what might be psychic moments, but they are usually so silly and I always blow it off as a coincidence. But maybe there are no coincidences.

Working Mothers

Working mothers, I think, can be just as productive as other working men and women, but flex schedules help. For my situation, it works perfectly. I work off hours and can be available at weird times, which works for my clients -- many of whom are on the East Coast.

Women can add tremendous value to any business, but businesses need to think outside of the traditional 9-to-5 box. The fact that men can (or choose to) shirk more parenting responsibilities should be all the more reason to support flex schedules, telecommuting, etc.

With technology today, there isn't a lot of need to be in an office. Many of the people I work with (mostly men) work from a home office a significant portion of the time.

My friends and I joke, though, that not much has changed since the 50s, except that now women are expected to add paying work to the list! Men "help" more...They watch the delivery of their children (if they don't pass out first) and do an occasional dish.

Okay, that is so not true of my husband. He is pretty fabulous, but is a rare gem in the sea of husbands around here!

I suppose if your job involves physical labor, that is another story. If you are a secretary, I can see the problem if phones need answering and what not (though that can be accomplished remotely as well...I do it all the time) or with doctors (who truly can't just leave). But for most professional jobs that use common technology (phones, internet), that isn't an issue. For example, I know quite a few lawyers who work part time, on flex time, or telecommute the majority of the time.

The beauty of technology is that you don't always have to be there. Actually, I can think of some examples in medicine where this is true now, too.

I've seen studies that say multitasking is good, multitasking is bad, taking breaks is good, prolonged focus is good, but I think the jury is still out.

I do believe women being better at multitasking, but that it isn't necessarily a good thing. I guess I haven't seen anything conclusive either way. I have heard that creativity and efficiency increases when you have children, but if we do have increased neural connections, I assume they would function in a multitude of positive ways.

It is why women rock!